There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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