You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
