just survived the first fart of the relationship.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
