I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
