My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
