Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
