I checked into jail on foursquare
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
