mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
