Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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