He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
