I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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