youre lurking in front of me
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize