The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
