Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
