He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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