Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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