So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
