The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
