well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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