you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize