C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize