if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
