Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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