scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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