I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
