dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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