K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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