I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
