It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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