she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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