My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
