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It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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