Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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