i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize