I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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