My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
