apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
