Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
