I could have mohawked her pubes.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
