Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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