Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
