Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
