remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I did not marry a roomba.
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