My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
