I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
