i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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