I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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