I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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