she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
