Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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