your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
