Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
