So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize