bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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