A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
