So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
