Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize