my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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