Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
