No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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