Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
operation have a gay friend backfired
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
