Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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