I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
