Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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