Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
