I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
