laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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