you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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