just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
