Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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