Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
