I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
