help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Please don't give away my fajitas
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