I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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