I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
