____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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