We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize