There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
