i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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