it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize