the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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