Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize