I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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