OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
