At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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