I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
