im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
