From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
