If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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