We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He passed out mid-signature
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
