Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
