We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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