Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
